Article: His smile to the PM was a tangled Hornby railway track of teeth.(Column)

Byline: QUENTIN LETTS

JUST before lunch yesterday the career of Tory MP Michael Mates, sometime Colonel, full- time pudding, transcended double-cream ecstasy. A minor vignette, it encapsulated the Establishment greasiness of the day.

The Foreign Secretary announced that Mr Mates would be a member of the Butler Inquiry. Satisfaction syruped across Mr Mates's chops. And now we learned that Mr Mates had been made a Privy Counsellor.

At this the old buffer's leylandii eyebrows jumped with plump delight. A Privy Counsellor! It means this bushy bore, this authoritarian mouthpiece of sebaceous loyalty to the System, becomes a 'Right Hon'.

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