Article: The Past: The last 1,000 years and all that; A short personal resume of what you've missed - by Chris Upton.

THE 1000s: England was conquered by a man called William the Bastard. The rightful king was a Saxon called Harold, but Harold was once overheard saying that anyone who took away his kingdom would have to be a complete bastard and so William changed his name by what the French called "nom de plume". King Harold lost his throne because of fixture congestion. On the day before meeting William, Harold had been forced to face the Norwegians at Stamford Bridge and lost some key players.

The battle was fought at a place called Battle, which was chosen because of its name ...

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