Article: A FRIEND SAYS FAREWELL TO THE MINNOW

THIS ELECTRONIC VERSION MAY DIFFER SLIGHTLY FROM THE PRINTED VERSION. Column

The Minnow was in the tool department at Sears at Southlake Mall. "Doing your usual Christmas shopping, I see," I said. "Something for your mother?"

He had a claw hammer in his hand.

"Actually I was thinking this would make a perfect gift for you," he said. "You could hit yourself in the head with it 32 times or so."

"And the Hobart Police Department would say I committed suicide."

"Unless it happened in Porter County. Then the prosecutor would say you were high and convict you for drug abuse, post mortem and in absentia, of course."

"He send you a card this year?"

"The prosecutor? No, but neither did you."

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