Article: COLUMN: Reasons the Daily Iowan can't fire me

Eric Fomon
University Wire
12-16-2005
(The Daily Iowan) (U-WIRE) IOWA CITY, Iowa -- I''m only nine and a half years away from having tenure.

* Much to my dismay, I have yet to piss off our glorious sponsors.

* Without the extra income to support me, I''d have to recycle my empty bottles of Absolut that I use for aquariums, and all my fish would be forced to turn tricks on the street for food and shelter.

* I have a unique flair rivaled only by seventh-grade boys -when it comes to poop humor.

* My real name is actually Eric Gotti-Fomon.

* In another six months, I''ll have the local fame Tom Arnold enjoyed between the makings of semi box-office smashes True Lies and ...

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