Article: Super Bowl? What Super Bowl?

Other than the $1 million-per-30-second-commercials, there isn't much reason to watch Super Bowl XXIX, unless you loathe Stan Humphries and want to see him suffer.

Here then are 29 alternatives to watching pre-game, game and post-game coverage.

I. What's the opposite of professional football? Afternoon tea. Listen to harpist Laura Ann Fako while sipping Earl Grey and nibbling finger sandwiches; 2 to 4 p.m. at Borders Books & Music in Deerfield. (708) 559-8584.

II. The Learning Channel airs "The Biology of Love" Sunday at 9 p.m. - a look at how sperm meets egg. A perfect post-game show, says creator Desmond Morris. "The sperm-war phenomenon is like a football game. Some are blocked ...

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