Article: The Temp: Permission to tell jokes, sir?

IT'S 7.30. Beardman approaches the bar and I start grinding my teeth.

"Evening, guv," says Mike, and, as usual, receives no response. Mike grins and buries his nose in his lager. Beardman arrives.

"Hello," I say. "What can I get you?" I've tried every way I can think of to circumvent his next sentence but, as it's probably the only thing he says to anyone all day, or maybe because it takes such an effort of will to speak to a relative stranger like me in the first place, nothing is going to stop him getting the full sentence out. I've tried "Hi there, the usual?" and even "Hello, pint of lager and lime and a slimline bitter lemon, is it?" but all I've had in return is "Thaat's roight. A ...

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